Liz’s Advice Blog

Dear Liz,
Sometimes I encounter poor people in my daily life. Generally speaking, I don’t care for them. What should I do?
Maybe I’ll invest in copper futures. It would be nice to have a lot of copper.
-Clay Washington, DC

Dear Clay,

I’m sort of busy working on stuff.  I saw Steven Wright do stand up last night, but I couldn’t enjoy it.  I have out-of-body deja vu and a narcoleptic projecting complex.  When I think someone’s bored telling his own formulaic jokes, I fall asleep. 

I’m sort of busy working on stuff.  So I made an outline for this entry, can you flush out the rest and hand it in to the Philosophy Department office? 

1.  When I encounter any people, I don’t care for them and wish them to get out of my life and onto my TV.  Why do TV execs not yet outnumber us?

2.  With poor people there is an added guilt, or a call to action, but follow it to its logical conclusion.  How much should we give of ourselves?  Will money really help the problem?  Should I sleep with poor people? 

3.  Does class guilt have an evolutionary advantage, or serve a purpose?  Reductionists like the "existent" Third Culture probably think so.  Do we have any data to this end?

4.  If all the people I don’t care for were gone, it would just be nature and me.  Is that cool?  What about if it were just me in a deprivation chamber and a video camera so I can retain my memories?

5.  Why I hate flowers.  They smell of plant sex.  They are a tease.  They are showy.  Orchids are pretentious.  I like leaves, because they are what they are.  What flowers can I eat for antioxidants?  Chamomile?

6. Our philosophy professor is kind of hot.  Haha, you think so.  Needs to be flushed out more (phrased as a question).  Clay?

Try to love your fellow man.

Half-hearted,
-Me

Dear Liz,
What is a blog?  Someone asked me that.  But seriously, what is it?
-Kate Beltway, DC

Dear Kate,

Let me get some things out of the way.

Currently Reading:  My high school yearbook.  Poems I wrote.  Your high school yearbook (but only as a source of analogical insight into my own life).

Currently Listening to:  A feedback loop recorded by a mic placed 2 inches from my own mouth and phased in oscillating cycles of 1 to 2 seconds of lag time (because I’m so bored and bored of being bored).

Current Mood: Delusional.  Solipsistic. 

Why is no one reading this?

Tell Kristen it’s a log that’s on the Web.  Like a diary for Gen M.  What’s Gen M?  Someone asked me that.
-Me