Work — Psychological Aspects
Thursday, June 21st, 2007
Dear Liz, My friend won’t stop complaining about her job. She’s been there for a year and it’s been the longest year of my life. How can I tell her to SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP without hurting her feelings? Thanks Sincerely, Oh my god why won’t she SHUT UP already
OMGWWSSUA,
Tell her to be quiet. It’s a nice way of saying the same thing, in what is known as a euphemism. You might have heard your grandparents saying it to your great uncles and aunts.
Or you could use a minced oath, i.e. shush up. I owe my ladyhood that my mother would correct me as a girl, "Eliz, You mean shush up."
OK, Recap: You want your friend to shut up, but if you tell her, she may not like you. So, Tricky: you want your friend to both like you and shut up. So, what I would do is Jujutsu the friend.
You’re not going to stop her from complaining, but you can be ready for the next whine-out with counter-discourse; yield to your opponent’s force to unbalance her.
I’ve done the requisite R&D and prepared a refulgent reaction palette for you to play with. Now, we wait.
1) Ask problem-solving questions to bring "the Complainer" (a personality type coined by Dr Bramson) back to the reality of the problem. - Coping with Difficult People by Robert Bramson
2) Gently prod "the Donkey" personality type with reassurance, i.e. "It’ll be hard to find another job, but we’ll all support your brave choice." - Dealing with Difficult People by Roberta Cava
3) Tell "The Whiner" type, with incremental force, to take a vacation. See if you can work in the phrase "Go away!" - Dealing with People You Can’t Stand by Dr. Rick Brinkman
4) Wait to catch the oblivious "Bellyacher" type claim that she is not, in fact, a whiner, record her on your cell phone’s voice message function (something like "I’ll never complain again"), and play it back to her every time she complains. - 201 Ways to Deal With Difficult People by Alan Axelrod
5) Gently prod "the Blamer" type, forkwise. - Since Strangling Isn’t an Option by Sandra A. Crowe
6) Get overly angry at hearing about her job. Curse her coworkers and boss. Tell "the Gloom Sportie" you’re going to go in to her job and complain yourself. - The How to Easily Handle Difficult People Handbook by Murray Oxman
7) Suggest to "the Whine Sportist" she needs to take her mind off work, so you’re going to go out and have a drink, and she’s not allowed to talk about work. - Dealing With Difficult People by Christina Osborne
Tell "the Whine Sportiste" she’s a complete idiot. - The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Getting Along With Difficult People by Brandon Toropov
9) Give "Type 5" a stake to the heart. - Emotional Vampires by Albert J. Bernstein
These are all real books,
Me
